I know it.
I was supposed to race Rev3 Williamsburg 70.3 but dropped it down to the Olympic distance for this weekends race. That's how unprepared I am!
The past few months...okay, let's get real...the past two years...have been difficult. They say (yeah, I know, who are "they") the top 20 most stressful events in life are:
- Death of a family member
- Terminal illness (one’s own or a family member)
- Physical incapacitation, chronic pain, or chronic illness
- Drug or alcohol abuse (self)
- Drug or alcohol abuse (family member, partner)
- Loss of job or job change
- Moving house
- Change of school (primarily for children or teens, but this can effect adults, too)
- Primary relationship problems (spouse or parent/child/sibling)
- Persistent Relationship Problems, non-primary (difficulties with other family members, conflict and loss of friends, difficulties with coworkers)
- Academic problems (poor grades, inability to retain information, problems with teachers, unable to meet deadlines)
- Occupational problems (lateness, absences, problems with boss or coworkers)
- Victim of abuse
- Victim of crime
- Criminal actions towards others
- Abusive actions towards self or others
- Extreme loneliness/lack of community membership or friendships
- Severe financial problems (including tax problems!)
I've got a few of those (and then some) covered! So, not only do I know my stress/anxiety levels are really high right now but, I also realize my motivation to train because of my stress/anxiety is really low! That, my friends, is a bad formula for success...or is it?
I can either let my situations get me down or I can let them strengthen me (i.e. "success"). It's a CHOICE! I'm reading a book right now (thanks to my friend, Jan!) called "Choose Joy because Happiness isn't Enough" by Kay Warren. If I'm honest, I'd say that CHOOSING joy at this time in my life is REALLY difficult. Some days I just want to be mad/sad and stay that way!
Choosing joy is something I have to purposefully do each and every day. Will there be days of sadness? Oh, heck yeah. If I'm honest, there hasn't been a single run workout in the past (almost) 3 months where I don't just break down and start crying somewhere along the way. That kinda scares me for this weekends race. Not only from a standpoint of "will I even be able to make it through 6.2 miles of running because my run workouts have been suffering the most" but "will I be able to make it through 6.2 miles of running (or run/walking) without breaking down in a sobbing mess of tears!!! And then my stress/anxiety levels start creeping back up just thinking about it!
It's just where I am in my life right now. I get it. I try to hold it all together but there are days I just can't...and that's okay. My God, my family, my friends...they get it. They understand. I just hope the people at the finish line this weekend will understand, too! :)
So, this weekend, as I race my first triathlon of the season, I'm dedicating my race to people who have it way harder than I do right now. People who have lost someone very dear to them. I'll write their names on my arms. I'll pray for them now...during the race...and after the race. They are my inspiration for completing my race this weekend:
Ashley, Nick, Tori, Johnny, Zach, Benny, Melissa, Mike & Sam - you are my heroes. The lives of David, Michelle, and Jesse were taken from us too soon. They live on in our hearts and minds. I can't ever begin to understand your losses. I love you all!